I can see the headlines already.
The ENDANGERED English Hedgehog is Being Killed Off by Russian Yorzh!
The English hedgehog, which has found some shelter around chess tournament halls and internet sites, is being pushed aside by Russian yorzh. The yorzh, which has been found on Europe [notice that the English press still doesn't know England's part of the subcontinent], looks very much like its English cousin but has been insidiously brought over by someone who should know better, an Englishman.
Actually, John Cox, an International master who
claims he's from Shropshire may be Welsh! Perhaps he is trying to kill of this quintessentially English woodland herbivore because the Welsh Dragon has been proven to be mythical. (The Chinese Dragon, however has been seen lurking about in chess halls even in England. But there have been no reports of a WELSH dragon. At least not since the days of St. George's famous attack.)
Advocates for the Hedgehog claim it acts like a coiled spring when attacked. Ludek Pachman and Mihai Suba in generations past made special studies of the hedgehog and have found it to be a vibrant and interesting animal. But now, the villainous Mr. Cox has introduced the Russian yorzh.
Experts say a Yorsh is a mixture of vodka and beer, which can also be found in the lobbies of some chesss halls. Perhaps the "Yorzh" is a mutant form of the "yozh', a Russian hedgehog. Others however claim that this Russian yorzh is nothing but a Yerudna. Yerudna can also be found in and around chess halls, and is considered to be a lot of rubbish. IM Cox may give a statement about his attack on the humble but noble hedgehog.
Kenneth Grahame fans and environmentalists around the world eagerly wait to here what this International Master has to say. Mr. Cox, who himself has sometimes been mistaken for that rarest of fish, a Grand Master (see other threads), may have something personal against hedgehogs. Perhaps he poked himself with one of its quills. Or perhaps he doesn't like
The Wind in the Willows.
A more likely explanation however, is that he has had too much Yorsh and is abandoning the traditional English country values that have made the hedgehog a welcome rare sight, even around the trash heaps (yerudniy) of European chess halls.
Mr. Cox has admitted a fondness for the "hedgepig", which may be a colloquial term for a female hedgehog. We have no idea why he likes the hedgepig so much, but he has reportedly been seen taking hedgepigs out to Welsh pubs.
Reporting for the inestimable British press, all the way from Colorado in the United States is your very own intrepid reporter.
~ SF
etcetera etcetera.
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Solid Defense against English?!?! (Read 29919 times)
