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Normal Topic Personal abuse in posts (Read 1330 times)
GMTonyKosten
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Re: Personal abuse in posts
Reply #4 - 03/21/21 at 15:34:27
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Seeley wrote on 03/15/21 at 10:31:56:
Enough is enough. I have decided to withdraw from this forum.

That would be a shame, if you like I can have a quiet word with MNb, However, I agree that it is easy to get annoyed with people on Forums as we can't see their face or hear their tone, we don't know if they are joking or serious. I often find myself getting annoyed with other car drivers, although I know it is stupid. Embarrassed
  
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katar
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Re: Personal abuse in posts
Reply #3 - 03/17/21 at 17:41:58
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I quit this forum for a year or two around 2010-2012 or so, after becoming a target of "The MNb Treatment."  I eventually returned to chesspub because another (far more congenial) forum at chessvideos.tv shuttered. 
An eagerness to "refute everything" serves one well in chess opening research and correspondence chess play.  The same cannot be said about its application in social interactions.   Smiley
  

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Michael Ayton
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Re: Personal abuse in posts
Reply #2 - 03/17/21 at 15:00:48
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I respectfully disagree with your perspectives here, AOC – while it’s always good to try not to press other people’s buttons, I think you might be making rather too many allowances here for the offensive party. As I see it MNb was that, but I do of course agree that a bash-fest is no answer in such cases (in respect of anyone).

Meanwhile I notice that below Seeley’s name it doesn’t say ‘Ex-member’. I for one hope he hasn’t gone, nor least ’cos I think that would be an overreaction.
  
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an ordinary chessplayer
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I used to be not bad.

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Re: Personal abuse in posts
Reply #1 - 03/15/21 at 14:31:04
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Nobody should have to put up with abuse. However, I am not at all sure that's what has happened here. Communication is hard. What one person says and what another hears can be wildly different, the more so on the internet. I could be wrong, but what I think I saw is MNb was ticked off by a comment, and replied in what he felt was a *restrained* manner.

Right here:
MNb wrote on 03/09/21 at 03:57:05:
Seeley wrote on 03/08/21 at 14:22:40:
@MNb - You seem to be making the assumption that prospective buyers expect objectivity or theoretical soundness in the lines being proposed.

Please restrict yourself to what I write, not to what you think you can read between the lines. It saves you from making false assumptions about me. Usually I stop reading after such a bad start, but for you I'll make an exception.


MNb reacts very poorly to being told what he was thinking, or what he didn't understand, etc. He had the same reaction to something I wrote:

MNb wrote on 03/08/21 at 11:36:13:
an ordinary chessplayer wrote on 03/08/21 at 09:41:20:
Gambits have been popular since Greco's time, don't blame Williams and Palliser for that trend.

I don't; this idea is nothing but a product of your imagination. I myself have played many gambits since 1980 or so. Indeed I both tried the Sicilian Wing Gambit and the 5.d4 gambit in Italian as well; I even own a 1973 booklet by George Koltanowski on the latter. But I've always stuck to the principle: an opening is as good as the best lines for your opponent.
For reasons laid out above I doubt if GM Williams and IM Palliser do in this course. TopNotch confirms this in his second comment.


Summary, MNb was offended, and wrote some words in that state. Now you are offended. It's not good, but before this becomes a bash-MNb fest I think it behooves us to recognize that everybody, well certainly I will admit to mine, has buttons that can be pushed quite easily. Learn what sets off other people and then don't do that.

I highly recommend any book by Deborah Tannen as helpful for understanding how we can communicate better.
  
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Seeley
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Personal abuse in posts
03/15/21 at 10:31:56
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Here is a post that was made on this forum recently:

https://www.chesspub.com/cgi-bin/chess/YaBB.pl?num=1615175019/12#12

It is peppered with thinly veiled jibes at my stupidity

MNb wrote on 03/09/21 at 03:57:05:
It should be unnecessary, but especially for you I'll add a disclaimer

patronising personal comments

MNb wrote on 03/09/21 at 03:57:05:
you have demonstrated in the past that you can do much better.

and name-calling

MNb wrote on 03/09/21 at 03:57:05:
Smarty

This is not the first time this forum member has made a personal attack on me. Another example notable for its gratuitously insulting content was posted last year. Here is a sample of it:

MNb wrote on 05/14/20 at 15:11:58:
But you fail to notice that that's not what chessplayers mean with winning move.
So let me quote the Simpsons:

Duh.

To make sure I’m not being unfair to the poster, I’ve looked in the online version of the Oxford Dictionary, where the entry for ‘duh’ reads: ‘Used to comment on a foolish or stupid action, especially someone else’s’.

Publicly insulting and humiliating strangers on the internet is not a harmless game. Those who make spiteful and derogatory posts cannot know the circumstances of the individual they’re bullying – because bullying is what this is – nor how harmful their abuse might be for all manner of reasons. At a time when so many of us are suffering the debilitating effects of social isolation due to lockdown, it’s an especially insensitive and cruel way to behave towards another human being.

This forum is lightly policed because contributors generally behave in a mature and responsible manner, but regrettably there are those who take advantage of this to abuse others. It’s unacceptable and needs to stop.

Enough is enough. I have decided to withdraw from this forum. This is a step I’m sad to take. The overwhelming majority of people here are polite and respectful, able to engage in debate and discussion without resorting to personal attacks, and also generous with their time and advice in helping others, but I don’t intend to leave myself exposed to further abuse from this individual. I no longer wish to remain part of a community where abusive behaviour is passively condoned through a failure of action to stop it, and where those who choose to make for themselves a platform to bully, humiliate and belittle others can do so without hindrance or censure.
  
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