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I want to ask you the most important question of your life. The question is: Are you saved? It is not a question of how good you are, nor if you go to church, but are you saved? Are you sure you will go to Heaven when you die?
etc., etc.
Ronald L. Grossi
Dear Ronald L. Grossi,
Repent your apostacy and find Baal while there is still time, O infidel! For Baal has said that those who fail to serve Him in this life shall spend eternity as worms in the offal of His celestial pigsty (Fornicatus, 10:11). Yet those who honor Him, and please Him by sufficient acts of perversity and rapaciousness, shall live forever in The Garden of Seven Fountains, surrounded by comely boys (Maledictus, 17:42). Recall too that Baal has revealed that "Less than the excrement of maggots are the worshipers of False Gods, and especially that bastard Jehovah, and My rod shall strike them unto the End of Days" (Hideosus 71:21).
Proceed then in penitence to the nearest temple of the Golden Calf, and there, having paid one-tenth of thy wealth to the priest at the door, prostrate thyself before Baal's divine simulacrum, and beg for His guidance in His path of self-servingness, mendacity and theft. For only thus shall thou know happiness in the world hereafter. Yea, verily is it written, "Only upon the backs of the weak shall the mighty ascend to Heaven, and only by the corruption of the innocent, and the defrauding of the gullible, shall the Kingdom of Baal spread forth upon the Earth" (Mendax 4:19).
Yours in Baal,
Markovich, Sub-Priest of the 15th Degree,
Most Eager Lickspittle of Baal.
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